golden

they talk about the moments
where the world is golden
how they make a picture in your mind
of brilliance, and light

they talk about the moments
like life changing revelations

the moment you realize you’re in love
the happy ever afters

they talk about the moments
with wonder, with awe
moments of joy
and hope
and peace

my golden moment
wasn’t when I fell in love
it wasn’t with a smile lighting up the room
or laughter that rang like bells

it wasn’t holding hands with a girl at the park
it wasn’t staying up talking after it got dark

my golden moment was in the passenger seat
in the middle of the van
driving down highway 114

my mother sitting in front of me
my sisters behind me
my father behind me
with music playing over the shitty van speakers

it smelled like stale ketchup
burger wrappers left to sit
five bodies shoved into a space too small
for everyone to quite fit

but the sky looked like an oil painting
and I longed for pastels to capture it
and my mother was singing
because p!nk was playing and she loved her
because she sang what my mother could never
figure out how to say

and I wanted to capture the sky
the colors blending across the setting sun
the clouds melting into one

so I took out my phone
because a shitty photo is better than none
and I twisted around to get a better angle
out the back windows, which had a better view

and I saw them
curled against each other in the back seat
fast asleep
under the same blanket
holding hands

and for a beautiful moment
in that cramped, shitty van
with a fly buzzing around my head
and a box digging into my leg

I finally understood
what they meant
when they said
the world turned to gold